Sorry to be so negative but you'll just have to bear with me for a bit.
This morning my newly pregnant sister called me to help her out. She was looking online at her prenatal/maternity insurance benefits and was confused. I'm her big sister, I've been through this before and she needed my help. Of course, I acted happy to help. Even though I wanted to stab a pencil in my eye. I went online and went through it step-by-step for her - and to her credit, it was a bit confusing how it was written. Anyway, I got her all set and then out of curiousity (stupid me), I decided to check her infertility coverage. Just for the fun of it. I guess I needed another little slap in the face from the powers that be because guess what? She has AWESOME infertility coverage. Of course she does, because she'll never need it. Isn't that how it works?
Then, in the midst of having a pity party for myself I get another phone call. It was my best friend (who has been through IF with me every step of the way and is SO sensitive to my feelings, she is the only fertile person I know who gets it). She was calling to tell me that our good friend, J, had her baby. No big shock on my part, I knew J had a scheduled C-section for today. So fine. No big deal. Until, I asked the dreaded question. What did she name her? My best friend went silent. She knew what she was about to tell me would send me over the edge and it did. My friend, J, named her new baby girl my name. The name that I've been saving and keeping close to my heart FOREVER for when I had a little girl. Once my best friend told me I was immediately angry. Irrational? Yes. Completely. I mean, what are the odds that I'll even have a baby period, let alone a girl? Slim to none. I'm still angry. Because that was my name. And now it is hers. And she has a real live baby to give it to. I just have a dream. An impossible one at that, remember?
So, I meet my mother for lunch (bad idea) and bring up J naming her baby my name (bad idea). Of course, my mother, who doesn't even pretend to be empathetic about our IF says, "Hmmm..." and then changes the subject. It was like I never even mention it. The least, the very least she could have done was say, "Oh, that sucks! I'm sorry!" But nope. None of that from the woman who had six children effortlessly. At least my best friend knew. She knew how upset I would be - especially with the recent development concerning my sister.
Ugh. I'm tired. And mad. It's been a shitty Monday.
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4 comments:
OUCH!! Both of those would sting. It's too bad you can't pose as your sister and use her IF insurance. We personally had absolutely no IF coverage...2 IVF fresh cycles and 2 FETs weren't so nice to our bank account.
The name thing...did J know that you'd chosen that name as your potential girl name?? If so, then that really, really stinks. I have a friend who lost a baby at 33 weeks. They named her and had a funeral...it was very, very sad. Then another friend of ours had a baby girl and named her daughter the exact same name...first and middle name. It was like a slap in the face.
Oh crap. I am so sorry things are not getting better for you. I truly hope your friend did not know you were hoping to use that name some day. If she did, she's not a real friend, IMO.
I also hate to hear that your sister has the great IF coverage. It figures, doesn't it? I could just scream on your behalf...
-Leighann
Oh my god, Angie. Where have I been through all this? I'm sorry I've been MIA. I cannot believe what you've been going through. This would be difficult for anyone who simply knew she wanted to have a baby some day and hadn't started TTC yet. I know because that was me a few years ago, when my sister-in-law got pregnant. Somehow I just had this feeling it wouldn't be so easy for me and it was pure torture that she was able to get pregnant so easily. So yes, this is one of the hardest things in the world you've been having to go through. And by the way, you are a wonderful sister.
I am so sorry, too, about the name. That hurts so much, doesn't it? But I trust you will be able to find another good one, an even better one, eventually, and when you name your little girl you will wonder how you could have ever imagined naming her anything else. And yes, I believe you will have a baby one day. I just do. I hope it's okay to say that.
I agree with the others, though, that if your friend knew that was the name you wanted to use, she's not a great friend.
As for the IF coverage, well, it figures, huh? I don't have it either. It's like our employers have some kind of sixth sense about these things.
Ugh. Through all of this, please don't forget that though it seems like everyone around you is getting pregnant and having babies with your favorite names, we're out here still struggling just like you. We have to be here for each other.
I'm so sorry I didn't read this before now. You even asked for hugs and I wasn't here to give them too you. I'm so sorry honey.
As much as you love your sister, and want to be happy for her, it's going to be hard. Even harder because she isn't happy about it.
I don't even know what to say about the friend choosing your name. I had a friend do the same thing to me before I got pregnant. After I got over the thought of her having a child with "my child's name", I decided that I was still going to use the name regardless. I truly hope that she didn't know that it was the name that you wanted to use.
*hugs*
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