Mission accomplished

What an experience. To say that having an IUI at my local clinic vs. one of the best fertility clinics in the state was different is a huge understatement. Different in good ways, different in bad ways and well, just plain weird different. Here's how it all went down:

We live within 10 minutes of the clinic, so DH was able to do his business at home and then I just tucked the cup into the waistband of my pants and drove it to the clinic. I had to make sure I had it to the Dr. within 30 minutes. No problem. I must say that having DH produce the sample in the comfort of our home was SO much better and less stressful than the usual procedure of going into the sterile environment of the clinic. So this was a GOOD different.

I was supposed to meet Dr. A in the waiting room at 7:30am to hand off DH's sample. Remember, Dr. A is handling everything herself, including the washing. So, I got there about 7:25 and am just standing and waiting patiently when the receptionist notices me and asks me to check in. I tell her that no, I don't have an appointment and that I am just waiting for Dr. A. She immediately gets all flustered and starts involving all sorts of receptionists and schedulers into the conversation. They are all freaked out because "they've never had anybody do anything like this before!!" and they just do NOT understand why Dr. A would be meeting with me, without and appointment and "why wasn't I in the appointment system??". Yes, can you tell that I am the first IF patient there? I was not about to announce to a bunch of old hens that I was protectively holding on to my husbands sperm in hopes of making a baby there in their clinic that morning. They were freaking about me talking to Dr. A without an appt, let alone any talk of sperm or insemination! One lady asked me my name three times and then wrote it on a piece of paper "just in case!". This whole process was BAD different.

Dr. A came out, I handed her the sample and she took it without incident. GOOD.

I had a 45 minute wait and so I wandered into the hospital chapel. I prayed/meditated/calmed my nerves for a few minutes and then walked around a bit in the chapel. It is a really pretty little area with stained glass panels and as I was looking around I noticed a prayer book. Many people had written in it over the months asking God for help and it was sort of neat. I decided that it couldn't hurt so I wrote my own prayer down.

I went back to the receptionist area at 8:15 and checked in (Yay! I followed procedure this time!)
The receptionist looked flustered all over again as she was entering me in the computer and then asked, "Did Dr. A really just meet you in the lobby??" I just looked at her with big eyes and said, "Yes, she really did." Another BAD different. Well, maybe just annoying.

I went back into the room and chatted briefly with Dr. A and then waited. And waited. And waited. Dr. A checked in and said it would just be another 5-10 minutes and to hang tight. My regular doctor stopped by to cheer me on and tell me that she was thinking positive thoughts. (I love her!) I felt good that I had two doctors watching over me and taking care of everything. A definite GOOD different.

So, I was waiting and I started listening to the talk just outside the doors...I started noticing the word sperm quite a bit. I focused in and listening and the nurses were actually joking about the sperm being "washed". I kid you not. They were giggling like little school girls. All in good fun, I do not think they were being mean or trying to be insensitive but seriously? I could hear everything. One of the kept saying that she was "guarding" the sperm and it was a very important duty! At one point I heard a timer ding and then someone say loudly, "Dr. A - your sperm is done!!!" giggle, giggle. So, that? Was BAD different.

FINALLY, Dr. A came in and did the IUI. She said everything went really, really well. (I'm sure it had much to do with that one nurse "guarding" DH's sperm.) The IUI was quick and uneventful. I asked about count and (to my surprise) she said that she does not do a count analysis because she is not officially trained on that aspect and does not feel comfortable with it. She said from looking at the sample, it appeared to be good. Lots of swimmers and movement. Hmm...that means nothing to me. I was a little disappointed but, oh well. I guess it gives me one less thing to obsess about and at this point it really doesn't matter. His count this time won't effect our future treatment plans. I already know that our next (and best) option is IVF and we're not headed down that path anyway. Well, not unless someone knows how to get us a free one! No? Didn't think so.

So, that is that. I am officially inseminated and in the dreaded 2ww.

Triggered

I triggered last night at 8:30pm. My best friend came over and gave me the shot, no problem. She did a great job and it didn't even hurt going in - although my butt cheek is sure sore now!

IUI is scheduled for 8:30am tomorrow morning (CD15), exactly 36 hours after trigger. I am a little obsessed with the timing because I have been feeling my ovaries like crazy and I am so uncomfortable. Yesterday, I would have sworn that I was ovulating because of how crampy I was but I had an u/s and saw for myself that the follicles were still there. Today, I do not feel as much as yesterday but if I remember correctly, during my last IUIs I started feeling a lot more around 24 hours post trigger. I just am scared of missing the window!

I need to force myself to relax and realize that it is out of my hands. It will either happen or it won't.

It's a go

I went in for my second follicle check on Sunday, CD12 and things looked good but were not quite ready yet. I had three follicles: 13mm, 15mm, 17mm. The 13 and 15 were on my right side and the 17mm was on my left. My left is ALWAYS the one I ovulate from. I was a little disappointed as I have always had two follicles on my left side and this time I only had one.

I had another u/s today - CD13 - and I now have two 18mm follicles, one on each side. Very interesting. They both looked good, my lining looked good and I trigger tonight. She didn't mention the other follicle (the 13mm) and I didn't ask. I also didn't see much of anything other than the two big ones so I am guessing that it didn't grow and wasn't worth mentioning? Not sure.

So, two follicles which puts me on par for what I've had in the past. For some reason, I keep feeling let down as if two is not enough. But that is just silly. Two is plenty. Two is better than one. Two leaves me with plenty of possibility. And hope. I am REALLY, REALLY hoping.

I am triggering with Novarel (sp?) which is new for me. I've always had Ovidrel in the past. This is an IM shot versus a Sub Q shot. The needle is much longer than the Ovidrel shot and goes in my butt instead of my belly. Lucky for me, my best friend is an RN and is coming over tonight to give me the shot. DH would probably get too nervous and I am not sure I could do it to myself. The Sub Q shot I did by myself no problem but the needle was smaller and I could see my belly a lot better than my butt.

IUI#4 is set for Wednesday morning at 8:30am. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

CD10

I had an u/s to check on my follicles this afternoon and all looked good. I had one large follicle on each side - one at 11mm and one at 12mm. I was a little disappointed as I had hoped to have a little stronger (or different?) response to taking the Clomid a bit early this cycle. But I have to remind myself that CD10 is earlier than I have ever had a follicle check before and also two dominant follicles is great. Even though I would love to say that I have four big follicles, I also do not want multiples so I should be content. It is just that the more and the bigger the follicles are, the better our changes are. Oh well. Overall, I feel good.

I go back in on Sunday morning, CD12, and have another check. Dr. A is sure that I'll be ready to trigger on Sunday night and have the IUI on Tuesday, CD14. You know me - just like clockwork. What an irony.

I am still hopeful that this may be the cycle for us. I must admit that I have a bit of a nagging voice in the back of my mind because I have not given up caffeine this cycle as I have in the past. There have been times when I've gone months without caffeine and it never did me any good so I figured, screw it. I'm not quiting this time. It's not like I drink much anyway - one cup of coffee in the morning. A diet coke now and then. Big deal, right?

Hopefully, everything will look great on Sunday and we'll get this show on the road.

Don't Stop Believing

I was driving to my appointment last week and I was feeling pretty down. DH and I were having a little argument (nothing big, just mundane crap) and I was feeling a little unsure about starting another cycle. I was nervous about hoping again, scared of putting my trust back into another doctor and I was expecting to be very disappointed after this appointment I was about to go to. I pulled into the clinic's parking lot, parked and was just about to turn my vehicle off when a song started on the radio.

Don't Stop Believing.

Coincidence? Maybe. But I'd like to think of it as a sign. I believe in those, I really do. Looking back at every important or life-changing event that has happened in my life, there was a sign. Sometimes subtle, sometimes not but I can think of something at every occurrence. It's weird, it's like a mental turning point. I am hoping that hearing that song - at that specific time, a time when I was seriously considering giving up - is the sign. The turning point. We will see. Why am I so optimistic you ask? Well, the appointment went great.

I listened to that entire song before going in and when I finally started walking towards the clinic doors, I sincerely felt hope. For the first time in a long time.

I had gotten a message earlier in the day from my doctor. She said that she was going to change my appointment and schedule me with her colleague, Dr. A. She said Dr. A not only specialized in fertility in her residency but also had gone through it herself. She personally had gone through IUI and had twins as a result. My doctor said that she would be there for me every step of the way but that Dr. A would in charge of my treatment cycle. At first I was a bit put off by this because I LOVE my doctor and thought she would be the person to treat me but as I was walking to the clinic doors I decided to trust her and her recommendation of Dr. A.

Dr. A impressed me within minutes. She answered all my questions easily and sincerely. She told me that she would be handling every. single. aspect. of my treatment cycle. She would be doing all ultrasounds, monitoring, washing of the semen, IUI, EVERYTHING. Her - by herself - would be treating me. That means I have one-on-one treatment with a doctor that has a very vested interest in me as a patient. Because did I mention - I am her first IUI patient.

I had my baseline u/s on Friday and everything looked great. I had asked her about progesterone supplements at my initial appointment and she brought print outs of research and studies that she'd been reading up on. I was impressed! She validated everything I had been saying about progesterone. I do not need it. I have great hormone levels, I had a healthy, successful pregnancy already and most importantly, I ovulate on my own already. I am on the lowest does of Clomid and it is not effecting my hormone levels. She said that there is no benefit and that it is just an added expense for me. Wow - someone who looks at me as an individual and not just another generalized protocol patient.

Dr. A also told me that she'd like me to take the Clomid on CD3-7 vs. CD5-9. Again - validation! This is something that I have asked about SO many times before. Everything I've read has said that if you ovulate on your own, you should be taking Clomid on CD3-7. This way you start Clomid before your body starts doing what it normally would. It's like pre-programming. At the IF clinic, they just said that my Dr. does CD5-9 on every patient.

Oh- and I did ask her about injectables vs. Clomid and she agreed with many of you. There would be no benefit for me from injectables. I ovulate on my own and respond well to Clomid. She said that unless I am looking to have a "litter" that she does NOT recommend that route. The unfortunate news is that she says we have two options: IUI w/Clomid or IVF with ICSI. There is no medium ground for us that isn't a waste of time and money. This is not news to me, I've always known that IVF is probably our best shot. But we aren't going there so it is a few more tries of IUI for us.

Today is CD7 so this will be my last Clomid day and then I go in on Friday, CD10 for an u/s. She said that she likes to do an earlier u/s than just the standard CD12 u/s so that is good too. I will know on Friday how things are developing and get a better idea of when I will trigger.

It just feels good to be treated by a doctor who truly looks at me as an individual case. It is very refreshing. Also, it is a 8-10 minute drive from my house which is soooooo convenient! I don't have to worry about any scheduling conflicts with home or work.

Will this doctor make all the difference? Who knows. At least I don't feel invisible anymore. At least when I ask questions about ME and MY CYCLE, I get answers that are well thought out and even researched on my behalf. Because I deserve that. After all this time, I deserve a doctor who cares.

I have officially been TTC for 47 months total, 29 months this time around. Wow. Time sure flies when you are having fun, huh?

I'm up in the air. Help!

I need to quit waiting so long to post because when I finally do get around to posting, I feel as though I have so much to talk about that I don't know where to start!

I am on CD26 and just waiting for my period to show up so I can FINALLY begin another treatment cycle! I have an appointment on Tuesday morning (which will hopefully be CD1) with my regular OB/GYN to discuss the possibility of doing an IUI with her. I am pretty torn on this and I'll have about 24 hours to decide whether to go with her or go back to our fertility clinic.

I was really hoping that going with my regular doc would be cheaper because (1) this will be the first time they have ever offered IF services and (2) they are not specialists in the area. This is just a small town clinic so it seems logical to have thought that but it turns out that it is about the same cost. So, I think I'll make a pros/cons list.

Pros

I LOVE my doctor and trust her completely

If there is a way to cut costs, she'll find it

I'd be treated by a doctor that I know and trust - not a nurse that I have never met before

It is a 10 minute drive to our local clinic vs. a hour drive (without traffic, so sometimes longer)

I would get a lot of time and attention since this is their first ever IUI

Cons

They aren't specialists in the area of IF or Male Factor

The cost isn't any cheaper

DH is nervous about providing his "sample" at our local clinic where you know everybody talks and will know exactly what he is there for

There is no anonymity and everybody is not there for the same reason that you are

The lab capabilities make me a little leary

Questions for Tuesday:

Who will be doing the lab work (the doctors? I hope)

Would it be possible for DH to do his thing at home and have me bring it in right away?

What are her thoughts on injectables vs. clomid?

What is there experience with follicle monitoring and do they feel comfortable with the equipment available?

Do they recommend back to back IUIs? Would that be included in the price?

Hmmm...I'm sure I'll think of more before then. I am nervous about moving away from the clinic that specialized in IF but then again, I haven't found success with them either. So, why not give it a shot with an awesome doctor who has a vested interest in my positive outcome??

Anyone have any advice on this subject??

Also, anyone have any advice on moving away from Clomid to injectables? Remember, I ovulate on my own.