Last night, I invited my sister and new baby over as well as my pregnant best friend and her two daughters over. Whoa. I think that is a big step...purposely surrounding myself with the newborn and the baby belly. And really? I did just fine. I can't help but LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that little baby. She smells so darn good, I swear I could just eat her up. What is that baby smell anyway??
As for my best friend...I realized two things. One, I have been avoiding her. Two, the pregnancy part is harder for me that the baby part.
With my sister, all my awkward, sad, mad, jealous and confused feelings disappeared with the birth of my niece. Except, when I look at my best friend (who is already showing! At 11 wks!), they have obviously moved from my sister to her. I feel awkward and a bit short with her. When she complains about feeling sick, I get mad. When I look at her little belly bump, I get sad. When we talk about whether it will be a boy or a girl, I get jealous. Last night, I was just wishing it was September already! (Which is when she is due)
Isn't it weird that the pregnancy part bothers me more than the baby part? Especially, since pregnancy brings so many unpleasant side effects and newborns? Hmmm, we'll I guess there is a downside to that too. It look a year after Keegan was born before I slept through the night. God, that kid loved to wake up for the day at 4 or 5 in the morning for the longest time! I hated that!
Anyway, it was a nice night. I was happy to hang out with both of them - they are my two best friends after all. But it was nice when they left too. DH was working late so once they left, I gave Keegan a bath and then he and I snuggled up on the couch to watch TV. He fell asleep about 15 minutes into Grey's so then I just held him close (that never happens!) and watched the whole (2 hours!!) of the Grey's/PP combo completely uninterrupted. It was GREAT. Plus, I just kept staring down at my sleeping "baby" thanking God that he was in my life.
No matter what happens, I am SO lucky to have been blessed with Keegan.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The shortest treatment cycle in history!
Well, so much for that idea. Like I said, I made my baseline u/s appointment for Monday (yesterday) but after checking the calendar for the third time, I realized there was a work conflict on my end. I am always worried about DH's schedule because he is a pilot and if he is on a flight, well, then he is on a flight and there isn't any flexibility around it. So, I wasn't really paying attention to my schedule because I usually can move things around. Except this time. In all of February, there is one date at work that I cannot miss. It is February 20 - better known as CD14. IUI day. Granted, I could possible trigger and ovulate/IUI on CD15 but it is too expensive of a gamble. I would hate to be $800 into a cycle and find out I had to cancel the IUI.
So, we are on hold. Again.
Oh well, I'm doing my best to take it in stride and realize (hope?) that everything happens for a reason. We are also going to try, really hard, on our own this cycle. We haven't done this for awhile. I mean, naturally. I think we are going to follow the same timing as if we were doing an IUI and abstain for 2-3 days leading up to ovulation. We'll see, it is what it is and we'll do the best we can.
In other news, my regular OB doc (I'll call her Dr. G) - who I LOVE and TRUST is about one month away from doing IUIs at our local clinic. While this may make some of you cringe, I am very excited. Here's a bit of background: her medical partner (Dr. A) is young (I think around 29 or 30) and she specialized in fertility. She also has experienced infertility, first hand. In fact, she conceived her twins through IUI. Both Dr. G and Dr. A have wanted to start up IF treatments and have worked hard to get the program approved. My Dr G, knows what I've been going through and has been helping me out as much as possible, where she is able to, ie, my "exploratory" surgery in December. To make a long story a bit shorter, Dr. G asked if I would be interested in being their first client. I said yes!
This means that I will have treatment in my hometown, no longer will have have to drive two hours round trip for a 10 minute appointment. I will be a 5-10 minute drive away at all times. I already have a direct line of communication with Dr. G via email and this will continue so I will be able to email my doctor at anytime I have a question or concern during treatment. I also will be seen ONLY by doctors, Dr. G and Dr. A to be specific. And I will only be seen by doctors who know me, my face and my history. I will not be just another case to them. It will be cheaper because they are not in it to milk me for every penny and I will have interest free financing available to me directly through their clinic if need be. And best of all, they will have a very vested interested in me because I will be their first and only patient. They will give me top of the line attention and care. Oh, and did I mention that I LOVE Dr. G?
So, we'll see how it all plays out. Dr. G emailed me yesterday and told me that they should be ready to roll by next cycle. I hope so! I am keeping my fingers crossed. I just have a good feeling about the whole thing.
That's all for today. I am going to wrap this up and head home for the night. I'm looking forward to a non-eventful night of watching AI on the couch. Or "Sing Show" as Keegan calls it.
So, we are on hold. Again.
Oh well, I'm doing my best to take it in stride and realize (hope?) that everything happens for a reason. We are also going to try, really hard, on our own this cycle. We haven't done this for awhile. I mean, naturally. I think we are going to follow the same timing as if we were doing an IUI and abstain for 2-3 days leading up to ovulation. We'll see, it is what it is and we'll do the best we can.
In other news, my regular OB doc (I'll call her Dr. G) - who I LOVE and TRUST is about one month away from doing IUIs at our local clinic. While this may make some of you cringe, I am very excited. Here's a bit of background: her medical partner (Dr. A) is young (I think around 29 or 30) and she specialized in fertility. She also has experienced infertility, first hand. In fact, she conceived her twins through IUI. Both Dr. G and Dr. A have wanted to start up IF treatments and have worked hard to get the program approved. My Dr G, knows what I've been going through and has been helping me out as much as possible, where she is able to, ie, my "exploratory" surgery in December. To make a long story a bit shorter, Dr. G asked if I would be interested in being their first client. I said yes!
This means that I will have treatment in my hometown, no longer will have have to drive two hours round trip for a 10 minute appointment. I will be a 5-10 minute drive away at all times. I already have a direct line of communication with Dr. G via email and this will continue so I will be able to email my doctor at anytime I have a question or concern during treatment. I also will be seen ONLY by doctors, Dr. G and Dr. A to be specific. And I will only be seen by doctors who know me, my face and my history. I will not be just another case to them. It will be cheaper because they are not in it to milk me for every penny and I will have interest free financing available to me directly through their clinic if need be. And best of all, they will have a very vested interested in me because I will be their first and only patient. They will give me top of the line attention and care. Oh, and did I mention that I LOVE Dr. G?
So, we'll see how it all plays out. Dr. G emailed me yesterday and told me that they should be ready to roll by next cycle. I hope so! I am keeping my fingers crossed. I just have a good feeling about the whole thing.
That's all for today. I am going to wrap this up and head home for the night. I'm looking forward to a non-eventful night of watching AI on the couch. Or "Sing Show" as Keegan calls it.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
The Secret
Yep, so I gave it my best shot and I tested out the theory of that book. And guess what??
It didn't work. LOL. Well, to be fair I am guessing that you are supposed to give it more than a one month trial. But whatever. I tried. All last cycle, I practiced thinking positive thoughts. I focused on the word PREGNANT and any time I would catch myself thinking otherwise, I'd give myself a mental kick and repeat the P word over and over. I didn't check any of my IF blogs even once (sorry guys!) and I wouldn't even let myself think or even look at the word infertility - which means I couldn't go to my own blog and update. Too much negativity!!
In that time I also experienced the birth of my perfect, beautiful niece. And let me tell you, she is PERFECT. I was blessed to be in the room during her birth and was one of the very first people see her. I even got to cut the cord! Any fear of negative feelings toward her or my sister vanished the moment that baby made her way into the world. Honestly, I cannot tell you how much love I feel for both of them or how much of a relief that was to me. A couple nights after her birth, I was on the phone with my sister and I thanked her again for letting me be a part of the birth and that very special day. I started tearing up and told my sister it meant so much to me to be there - I savored every moment, knowing that I may never again get to experience giving birth firsthand. I think I caught my sister off guard when I said that because she got emotional too and it was a really special moment for us. I know she now understands how much of a blessing pregnancy and birth really is.
So, here I am. Still not pregnant (in fact, today is CD1). But really, I'm doing okay. I called this morning and scheduled a baseline u/s for Monday afternoon and here we go with IUI #4.
Maybe the theory of that books works, maybe it takes awhile. Who knows? I know a lot can be said for the power of positive thinking so I will continue to do my best to head down that path. BUT, I will be back to blogging and catching up on all of you as well. I think I can manage a good balance.
It didn't work. LOL. Well, to be fair I am guessing that you are supposed to give it more than a one month trial. But whatever. I tried. All last cycle, I practiced thinking positive thoughts. I focused on the word PREGNANT and any time I would catch myself thinking otherwise, I'd give myself a mental kick and repeat the P word over and over. I didn't check any of my IF blogs even once (sorry guys!) and I wouldn't even let myself think or even look at the word infertility - which means I couldn't go to my own blog and update. Too much negativity!!
In that time I also experienced the birth of my perfect, beautiful niece. And let me tell you, she is PERFECT. I was blessed to be in the room during her birth and was one of the very first people see her. I even got to cut the cord! Any fear of negative feelings toward her or my sister vanished the moment that baby made her way into the world. Honestly, I cannot tell you how much love I feel for both of them or how much of a relief that was to me. A couple nights after her birth, I was on the phone with my sister and I thanked her again for letting me be a part of the birth and that very special day. I started tearing up and told my sister it meant so much to me to be there - I savored every moment, knowing that I may never again get to experience giving birth firsthand. I think I caught my sister off guard when I said that because she got emotional too and it was a really special moment for us. I know she now understands how much of a blessing pregnancy and birth really is.
So, here I am. Still not pregnant (in fact, today is CD1). But really, I'm doing okay. I called this morning and scheduled a baseline u/s for Monday afternoon and here we go with IUI #4.
Maybe the theory of that books works, maybe it takes awhile. Who knows? I know a lot can be said for the power of positive thinking so I will continue to do my best to head down that path. BUT, I will be back to blogging and catching up on all of you as well. I think I can manage a good balance.
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