Everything is looking "great"

Just got back from the u/s. Everything looked great. I have four decent size follies on my right and five on my left. I hear lots of elevens, twelves and some tens for numbers. The nurse said it was great and that she expects to see even more on Friday when I have my next ultra sound. I don't really have a frame of reference right now so I don't know if this is good or average. My nurse was kind of crappy today so I didn't ask as many questions as I would have otherwise. She just kept saying everything looked great and that was about it. Oh, and I think they said my lining was at 10?

I asked if everything looked good for an estimated retrieval date of Sunday and she just looked at me weird and said it would definitely not be Sunday. When I pointed out that three other nurses gave me that as a date and it was also written in my chart/schedule thing she just said it was an estimate but it would NOT be Sunday. Ugh. I know it is because of Easter. I had asked from the very start if Easter was going to be a problem and they insisted it wasn't. Apparently, they lied. I also wonder if that is why the Dr. dropped my medication down - so that they could push it off another day? Who knows. I guess I should just be happy that everything is looking great and that I am responding. I just want everything to go well and have no hidden surprises.

The nurse said we'll have a much better idea on Friday but that retrieval could be on Monday or Tuesday now. She also bugged me about signing the forms stating whether or not we wanted to freeze our embryos. I just nodded and said we'd do it very soon. I just don't know what to do. I am 95% sure that we won't freeze but I just can't commit to that decision. I'm procrastinating and I can be really good at that when I want to.

Stim day 5

I had last week off of work and so I wasn't really by a computer enough to post. Things have been moving right along and my belly is speckled and bruised from all the injections.

Last Wednesday, DH and I went to the RE and he had a blood draw (mandatory STD test) and I had a blood draw and also an u/s to make sure everything was quiet and suppressed - it was so I got the green light to start stimming. On Friday, I added Follistim and Menopur injections to the mix and now I do Lupron and Menopur in the morning and Follistim in the evening. Three shots a day makes for a very sore belly! Actually, the only one that really bothers me is the Menopur. That one is a pain and it stings quite a bit.

Yesterday was stim day four and I went in for a blood draw to check my E2 levels. The nurse said that if everything looked good, they wouldn't call but if the Dr. saw numbers that required my medicine to change then they would call by 3pm. I was worried that I wasn't responding much at that they would call. By 2:30 I thought I was home free and then at 2:40 the dreaded call came (actually it was a voice mail). The nurse left me a message saying that my estrodial level was 273 and that it looked "great" but the Dr. wanted to drop down my Follistim dosage from 225 to 125 for the next two nights. Hmmm...I really wanted to call her back and ask her exactly what that meant but she said no need to call back and I didn't want to act like a spaz. I am guessing that means I am responding well but I guess we'll see tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be stim day six and I have an u/s and more blood work. I am really looking forward to the u/s so I can see what is going on in there! I have been starting to get very tender and bloated. I can feel when I ovulate normally so it is no surprise that I am feeling quite a bit now. I just hope that means that I am producing lots of nice, beautiful follicles!!

So, I an appointment tomorrow and another scheduled for Friday. Retrieval could be as early as Sunday! I am so excited and nervous!! I just really, really want this to work!!

Please think positive thoughts, keeps fingers crossed or say a little prayer for us.

Lupron side effects

I am quickly learning that Lupron is not my friend.

The shots themselves are easy and mostly painless. I take the shot around 6:30-7:00am and all is well but by the evenings I have started to get really bad stomach pains - like my whole belly hurts and it just does not feel good at all. Also, as far as food goes, nothing looks or tastes good and everything just ends up grossing me out. I've also noticed that I'm getting really short tempered. I'm just sort of on edge the last two days or so and I've heard this is a pretty common side effect. It also have to do with the fact that I just sort of feel crappy but either way, I would like to snap out of it. All of it is very manageable but I just thought I would make note.

Not too much else is happening, just chugging along and hoping that the next two weeks go by quickly and end successfully!!

Shooting up

The drugs arrived on Friday with plenty of time to spare. Even though I sort of knew what to expect and had seen other people's pictures of all the medications, it was a bit overwhelming to open that box and see the contents. Wow! That is a lot of needles.

I started with the Lupron on Sunday and so far, so good. The sub-q injections really don't bother me a bit. Although today I must have hit a vein or something because the needle kind of stuck and then when I pulled it out it started bleeding quite a bit. Now I have a nice bruise. Oh well, I'm sure it won't be the last! Right now I'm only doing the one shot a day so we'll see how I'm feeling when I'm doing three injections a day.

I also took my last pill today - hurray!! I'm so happy to be done with that crappy, disgusting pill. I swear here and now that I will never, ever take another bc pill as long as I live! Now I just do my Lupron injection each morning until the 26th when hopefully I will start stimming. I have an u/s next Tuesday the 23rd and I guess they'll be able to see then if the Lupron is working and that everything looks quiet and calm.

I'm starting to get excited and am ready to get this show on the road. I am trying to think lots of positive thoughts and really hope that all goes smoothly.

Yikes

My drugs were supposed to arrive by noon today but instead they are stuck in Memphis due to weather problems. Great. Good thing I don't need them until Sunday or I would truly be freaking out. I just hope that they arrive tomorrow - I do not want to cut it too close. The man at the pharmacy swears up and down that they will for sure be here tomorrow. I swear, I've spend more time on the phone with the pharmacy. In the last 24 hrs, I think I've talked to them more than my husband!

There is nothing easy about IF.

I'm officially penniless!

After $10,372 paid to the clinic and $786 paid to the pharmacy, I think we are good to go. As much as the money makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit, I do feel some sense of relief that the payment portion is over and done with and there is nowhere to go but forward. It sucks - big time - that infertility is not a "valid" medical condition and that while DH and I both have good health insurance, not a dime goes towards any of this. Frustrating! I'm going to try and put it out of my head and concentrate on the important part - which is getting pregnant.

I should receive my stash of drugs in the mail by noon tomorrow and then I will begin the Lupron injections on Sunday. Let the good times roll! I am just praying and praying that everything goes off without a hitch and we are successful.

I did not decide yet about the embryos and freezing. Although I did have to provide a credit card number today, we do not have to decide which route we are going to take until the day of transfer. At that time if we have left over embryos and decide to freeze, they will charge us the $825.

I am just so up in the air on this one. I asked the nurse if down the road we could do a 100% natural FET and she said, "Of course you can but the success rates are not that great." Well, whatever. By going this route, I would not be holding my breath that something like that would end in success anyway. It would be more of a moral way to dispose of the "leftovers". Or is that a weird way to think? I'm so confused. Part of me just wants to say screw it and forget it but jeez, we've been trying for over three years to get pregnant this time around - over five years total - and to just "throw away" embryos seems wrong on so many levels. At the same time, after this IVF cycle, I need to be done. I cannot put myself through this rollercoaster any longer.

Enough of that rant - we have some time to decide. And who even knows if there will be any embryos to freeze anyway. Right now I should just be hoping that we have enough embryos for this cycle! Please, please think positive thoughts for us!!

CD 16 - still chugging ahead!

Sorry for the lack up updating! Work has been crazy busy and I ended up going on a very last minute business trip for four days last week/weekend and am now just finally getting back into the swing of things.

The combination of the birth control and antibiotic turned out to be terrible. I felt nauseated every day and generally felt miserable but the first day off of the antibiotic I felt a million times better. Now, as long as I have food in my belly, I am doing fine. Only one week left on the pill - hurray!

I had blood work last week ($498 worth! Yes, another unexpected cost!) and also the shot teaching class which was nice because I was the only "student" that showed up. Therefore, I received one on one attention and the nurse event took my packet and made a bunch of hand written notes for further details on mixing etc. I feel pretty good about all the sub-q shots that will be in my belly but I am a little nervous about the PIO shots that will go in my butt. They look and sound painful. I'm also a little worried that DH will be able to do them and may have to call in reforcements (my mom or best friend). But that just seems very inconvenient so we'll have to see as the time draws nearer.

I have my nurse consult appointment tomorrow and it should be interesting. I think I feel pretty good about this cycle and all that it entails but I do have a few questions about embryos (if we were to end up with any), freezing and natural FET. It is definitely putting the horse before the cart but they don't give me much choice because I am supposed to pre-pay tomorrow if I want to freeze embryos. I have definitely come to the conclusion that after this (and if it isn't successful, god forbid) I am done with shots, ultrasounds, etc. The only way I would do an FET is if it could be a completely natural one.

I'll be dropping over $10,000 tomorrow. Ugh. I just pray every single day (usually many times each day) that this will all be worth it and it will be successful. I feel it in my bones that there is a baby just waiting to be made!

I promise to do a much better job of updating and will stop by here after my appointment tomorrow to let you know how it went. My pockets will definitely be a lot lighter!