It's a go!

Apparently, my body agrees with Clomid. Or Clomid agrees with my body. Either way, it is good. I was a bit worried because I had no side effects from the drug nor did I feel like anything was really happening in that area. No twinges or cramping. So, I was kind of thinking I may have bad news at my ultrasound this morning. I was happily surprised.

The tech said everything look beautiful and that my body responded exactly how it was supposed to. My lining was "perfect" at 8.1?? I honestly can't remember if that is right or not because I was sooooo concentrating on whether or not I would have follicles. Then she looked on my right side and I had one follicle at 14mm. Not so great and I started to cringe but then she looked at the left side and said, "Wow, look at these beauties." I had two! One at 22mm and one at (almost) 18mm. Yay!

I trigger tonight and our IUI is scheduled for Friday morning at 9:30am.

Today, I am a little less in debt.

I just got off the phone with the "financial" woman at my RE's office and guess what? They are eating the cost of that disasterous ultrasound appointment from last cycle and crediting me back $260! I am so relieved and happy. I mean, truly? I should NOT have to pay for their horrible miscommunication which ultimately lead me to cancel that cycle. The head nurse herself told me that the nurse that I had that day was new and obviously was "misinformed" which, to me, means that she didn't know what the hell she was talking about and therefore should not be offering advice and information to patients.

So, I am happy. It was the right move on the clinic's part and I must say that I am very surprised that they stepped up to the plate. I was expecting a heated discussion but instead I received (another) apology and was told to watch for the credit on my next statement. Yay!

In other news...five days of Clomid and I felt nothing. Is this normal? I just pray it is working and helps to make this cycle a success. I have my first ((and hopefully only) monitoring ultrasound on Wednesday. During this appointment I hope that I do not get the "new" nurse again and I also hope that I am told that everything looks wonderful and we'll be ready to trigger.

DH left for a flight this morning but will luckily be back tomorrow. I told him not to schedule ANY flights Thursday - Saturday so that there is nothing standing in the way for our IUI. I have a meeting Friday morning and I am already thinking of excuses of why I won't be able to make it. Of course, if things don't look ready on Wednesday there will be no conflict but boy, I sure hope I am not at that meeting!

Questions answered

First, thanks for all the advice and personal stories. It is so intresting how much doctors differ in their protocol!

Well, I talked to a nurse on Friday who was super nice (I never know what I am going to get at this clinic...). She said that I am stuck with Ovidrel because the generic form is completely unavailable in Minnesota right now. She said they would have prescribed it to me in the first place because it is a $20 shot versus a $80-$90 shot BUT there is some "whack job" (her words) doing an infomercial out there right now about how if you take all these vitamin supplements and a low dose of HSG everyday that you'll lose weight. Nice, huh? So, the demand is waaaaaay up and the manufacturer cannot keep up and therefore, it is back ordered at every pharmacy in the state. I seriously cannot beleive my luck. Of course this would happen now - when I am wanting the generic form. (And yes, it is all about me. lol) Anyway, the nurse apologized and said there was nothing they could do and that the fertility clinics are trying to get the manufacturer to release a supply only to the clinics but she has no idea if or when that will happen. Certainly not by next Wednesday so for me, Ovidrel it is. There goes $80.

Also, the progesterone. It seems that my doctor does not budge on this and that it is strictly standard for all IUIs that he does. Which actually, the nurse does not him. But that is another story. the nurse said that even though I have not history of a luteal phase problem, miscarriage or pre-term labor, the doctor is adament about taking it. So, progesterone it is. There goes $100.

But it's whatever. If it works, it'll all be worth it. And if it doesn't...well, then, I guess it doesn't.

Today is CD 8 and my fourth day of taking Clomid - one more day to go. I feel completely normal with surprisingly no side effects. I am so surprised by this because normally I do not do well with any sort of medication. I thought I would feel something - what? I do not know. But nope, nothing. I just hope it is working it's magic and that by next Wednesday I will have nice big follicle(s) and be ready to trigger.

I'm not holding my breath but hey - a girl can dream, right?

Questions

I hate to always sound like it is about money (because it really isn't) but I do want to spend our money wisely and without any insurance coverage, every little bit ends up adding up SO fast. That being said, I found out today that with clomid, Ovidrel and progesterone supplements I will be paying over $200 for this cycle in prescription drugs. I did fill the generic form of clomid which ended up only being $25. I do have some questions about the other two though.

First - what is the difference or is there a difference between Ovidrel and a generic form of HCG? I do have a call into my RE's office to ask this but I'm not holding my breath on a call back. I'm just wondering...if I can save $50 by getting the generic form, is that okay? Are they the same?

Second - progesterone suppositories. The nurse(s) said that taking these was standard procedure when doing a medicated IUI cycle. Is this true?? I have already sustained a healthy pregnancy and have no history of miscarriage or pre-term labor. I also have never been told there is a progesterone concern. For those of you who have had IUI, were you told it is standard also? This would save me $100 and if it is necessary, I am totally fine with spending the money but if there is no real reason for me to take them - I'd rather not. Not to mention, they sound disgusting! But seriously, do I need progesterone? I am also thinking of calling my regular gyno to get her opinion because I love and trust her.

Any thoughts would be so very appreciated!!

I start Clomid in about an hour. Keep your fingers crossed for me...

Introducing...cycle 19.

Here I am again although some changes are occuring this time around. Today is CD4 and I went in for my first baseline ultrasound yesterday. For once, I left my RE feeling postive. My lining and my ovaries looked great and I was given a perscription for clomid, ovadril and progesterone. I also made an appointment for CD12 to have an ultrasound and blood draw. We are pulling out all the stops this time. I was thinking of avoiding the blood work (checking E2 levels) but the nurse was pretty adament that it was important. Hopefully, that is true because it is not cheap.

Also, last Friday I called my clinic to discuss last cycle and argue my case that I should not have to pay for that ultrasound or office visit due to the horrible advice, disorganization and miscommunication on their end. I had to talk to a person in the financial office as well as the "head" nurse, Jill, and they were both very empathetic and easy to talk to. I had an especially long conversation with Jill, and among other things, she apologized over and over about me not getting call backs in a timely matter and that it would be an important discussion topic for her to have with the nursing staff. She also promised to have the financial person call me by Monday to let me know if they would eat the bill or not but um, it is Tuesday and still no call. How come I'm not surprised? I swear, this clinic pisses me off.

Speaking of finances and being pissed off, I was also told when I went in for my ultrasound on Monday that I would have to pre-pay $2,000 for this cycle. I just looked at her like, "Are you cracked, woman??" I told her that I would NOT be pre-paying for anything. If their staff handles another cycle like last, I certainly won't be spending any money with them, let alone thousands of dollars. Also, I'm not even sure that I'll need $2,000 for this cycle - to which she responded that in that case they would just roll it into the next cycle. I didn't tell her that I wouldn't be doing another cycle if this one doesn't work (I'll save that topic for another post). But seriously? The pre-pay is a no go.

So, I'll be filling my perscriptions tonight and will begin clomid tomorrow, CD5. I'm a little nervous and hope that I don't have too many side effects. Mostly, I just want my body to respond positively to the drug and hopefully, make an extra egg or two - with the goal of fertilizing one.

Same story, different day

I have absolutely nothing to report. Temp was down .1 this morning so again, it could go either way. I could have temped just as my temp was officially heading south - or - it could just be down .1. My guess, it is on the downhill slide.

I haven't had any cramping or headaches yet which usually indicate that my period is on the horizon BUT yesterday I was sooooo crabby. I'm sure it was PMS. I went for a walk after work and it was like I was on a mission. I was walking as hard and as fast as I could and venting to myself (in my head) the whole time.

I feel like I am always in waiting - both with TTC/infertility and at work. I have been fighting for a promotion for over five months now and every time it is within site, it gets pushed down. And TTC, well, we all know how that is going. Five months ago, I would think that I only deserved one or the other - the baby or the promo. It was like I was scared to hope or pray for too much. So, I always defaulted to the baby. I want a baby more than anything, including a promotion but I still really, really want the promotion (and the money that goes along with it) Now, I think to myself - why don't I deserve both?? Why can't I have both? And if I can't have both then don't I deserve at least one of these good things?? So, that is basically the conversation/vent I was having in my head.

Just once, I wish something good and much deserved one or both of these situations would happen to me. I am so lucky to have DH and Keegan. Keegan is a the best thing in my life and DH has changed so much lately and really has been unbelievably supportive. It's like he did a 360 after our fight and is saying and doing all the right things now. I couldn't ask for more when it comes to him. So, I know I have so many blessings. But when it comes to these two things - work and infertility - I just feel it is time that I deserve a break!! It would be so nice to say, "Well, I'm not pregnant but at least I got a promotion and am making a bunch of money!" or "Hey! So what if I didn't get the promo because I'm going to have a baby!!"

Is that too much to ask? I guess so.

Today is CD28. Like I said, if I'm not pregnant and my period has to show up, I just hope it shows on time. That would be tomorrow.

It could go either way

Today is CD27. I feel...the same as I always do at this time in my cycle. So, while it could go either way, I am pretty sure that I am nearing the end of cycle 18. The one that was supposed to be an IUI cycle, only it wasn't. The one that was supposed to be our lucky cycle, only I am pretty sure it wasn't.

What can a girl do? Nadda. Other than concentrate on the upcoming cycle and hope (and pray) that this one stays on track. That we are able to do a medicated IUI, with monitoring and that it is a success. That's not asking too much is it??

At least the 2ww flew by - and for that I am grateful. I took my temp this morning (it is still up btw, but not unusually so) and when I went to chart it, I was surprised that it was already CD27. So, at least I was not agonizing and counting every second. I have been there before, and it isn't fun.

So, if my period is to show - I hope she shows on time which would be Thursday. I have a meeting in Mpls on Friday and it would be so nice to piggyback a baseline ultrasound on to the trip since my clinic is about five minutes away from where my meeting is. That way I don't have to make a seperate trip and drive an hour out of my way the next day or day after. Of course, I will but it would just be so much easier this way.

That's all the excitement in my world right now.

Did I mention I was exhausted?

Oh I did? Sorry, I'm going to mention it again. I am sooooo tired from this week - and it is only Wednesday! Keegan has not slept well - at all- which means that I haven't slept well - at all. I don't know why, probably he just misses his daddy. I cannot wait for DH to get home and our schedule to get back to normal. The good news is that DH is coming home a day early! He called and was able to finish up early so he booked a flight out tomorrow morning (instead of flying home late Friday night). I am a happy girl.

I also think I am getting a sinus cold. Again. I have never had sinus infections or problems, ever, until this winter. This winter I think I have had four! I don't know what the deal is? Each and every time it starts in my right sinus and give me a bad headache on the right side of my head and then just goes downhill from there. Today, I am at the right side headache and stuffiness point. Ugh, I so do not want it to get worse so I am slamming water, green tea, vitamin C, juice, etc. I should have known something was up yesterday when I wasn't hungry all day. I am typically always hungry. LOL. Sad, but true.

DH and I were just talking about our diets and how we both would like to eat better and drop a few extra pounds. This weekend I am going to clean out our pantry and throw out all the "junk" in it. I am such a snacker (along with Keegan) so our one shelf is full of various crackers, chips and the like. It needs to go! I am also going to make a list of healthy foods and find some good recipes and head to the grocery store on a mission either Saturday or Sunday. No more crap in our fridge or pantry! Neither of us are "overweight" but we could both stand to lose a few pounds and also greatly improve our diets. Keegan, too. I really want to teach him healthy eating habits and I haven't been the best at that lately.

I also would really, really like to start running again but of course, that depends on whether or not I get pregnant. I think that I am going to start walking/jogging a couple days a week to start and then we'll see how this next IUI goes. If it is not successful, I would like to go start the couch to 5k plan (I think that is what it is called?). This is probably the wrong way to look at the situation and maybe I should just start the plan now because it really couldn't hurt right? I know that is true but I really, really, really am hoping to get pregnant and I do not want to start something just to quit it in a few weeks. Then again, who knows what'll happen so maybe I should. A tiny voice inside my head keeps telling me that I was running when I conceived the first time - truly, I was in great shape - so maybe it could actually help?

We'll see. Right now I am focusing on (hopefully) catching up on a little sleep in the next day or three, cleaning out all our junk food and buying a bunch of healthy food. If anyone has any good, healthy recipes, please send them my way!

6dpo

After all the drama last week, this week is proving to be pretty boring. Also, after the little bit of hope I had of conceiving on our own last week has pretty much disappeared. I'm not trying to be negative, just realistic. Plus, my temps have been kind of on the low side so that is never a good sign either. Oh well, it is what it is. I just look forward to next cycle and having a plan.

DH is away for eight LONG days for work. This is the longest we've ever been apart and I am not liking it a bit. It's only Tuesday and I am exhausted! Saturday and Sunday were nice and relaxing because it was sooooo nice outside and Keegan and I just hung out and played outside quite a bit. But now that I am back to work, it has been a different story. Being a working, single mom is not an easy task. Ugh! Morning have so busy and I feel bad because I am pretty much rushing Keegan for everything - waking, eating, dressing, etc. Poor kiddo. It has to be done though or we wouldn't be on the road until noon! This morning, I told Keegan to think of something fun he'd like to do after daycare and we would have a "date".

I cannot wait until Friday night when DH come home! He doesn't fly in until 11pm either. I am going to get a sitter and go pick him up. It is about an hour drive from our house but it will be worth the two hour roundtrip drive just to see him and catch up on the week!

All this disruption from our normal routine is also making the 2ww go by quickly.

Some info worth passing along

I don't know how many of you read Infertility Blog by Dr. Licciardi but I think his blog is so informative and he explains everything so well. Here are a couple tid bits of info that I read this morning and I thought I'd copy and paste it into my blog - it mostly deals with IUI/sperm issues so right up my alley.

This post answered some of my IUI count issues:

IUI with 17 million, 28-58% motility and 8% morphology. I like your odds. IUI using sperm with normal counts and motility is very commonly done and can lead to success. I have been impressed with iui when the sperm is not exactly great, a little low in some respects, as long as the post wash is over 10 million motile sperm. Here, since 1% of the sperm make it through the cervix during intercourse, a low count or motility will reduce chances naturally. But iui will get more sperm to the eggs, so that if the only problem in the sperm, iui can overcome the problem, provided post wash is not too low.I do not care if my patients do back to back cycles. However, sometimes there are follicles left over from the stimulation that are still present on day 2 or 3, and starting needs to wait a month. Starting with a few smaller follicles is ok, but sometimes they are quite large.


This post could have been written for me (except the age, I am only 31) but it confirms my thoughts that yes, we do need to be more aggressive:

You have been trying for 18 months, and you are only up to iui with no drugs? Yes that may work, but the odds are against you. As with all patients you need to proceed at a rate that works for you, but most women in your shoes would be much more aggressive. At 39 yrs, natural cycle iui is 3-5%, clomid is 5-8%, FSH iui is about 10%, and IVF is higher (numbers are estimates).

For whatever it is worth...

It went to hell in a handbag

Seriously, where is that saying from?

At any rate, there was no IUI this cycle. After all the confusion, I just did not feel like throwing more money at a cycle where the people who are supposed to know what to do and tell me what to do were NOT on the same page. It was just too much of a gamble and I was just too stressed out about the whole thing.

The nurse and/or doctor never did call me back on Tuesday afternoon and when I called them, I was told that the nurse line was closed for the day. It was 3:30pm. SO, I started bitching a bit to the poor receptionist and she promptly transferred me to a nurse. Ha! When I started telling this nurse (yet another one) what the story was, she told me to come in for an ultrasound and bloodwork the next day. When I informed her that I wasn't doing bloodwork, she told me that I needed to have bloodwork done in order to determine ovulation. Hmmm...since when? See what I mean? Every single nurse had a different plan for me. What I'm wondering is, where the hell is my doctor?? Why can I not talk to him? Obviously the nurses are not doing their jobs. SO frustrating. This particular nurse thought Thursday or Friday would be a good IUI day. Okay, whatever.

I did schedule the ultrasound at that time (with NO bloodwork) for 11am Wedneday just so I have it set and then take some time to think about. After thinking about it and talking to DH (who has been wonderful by the way, but that is another post), I cancelled it. I just didn't feel good about any of it. The next day confirmed my decision when at 11:20 a nurse called to tell me that I missed my appointment. I informed her that I had cancelled my appointment the day prior and when I was about to explain why she said, "Okay, bye." No questions asked, very short and completely cut me off. Nice.

I would consider switching clinics if I didn't have to wait, not to mention pay another $400 consulting fee and then more waiting.

So, here's where I am at. I had an ultrasound on Monday which showed a 14mm folicle. On Wedneday, I started having big ovulation pains and when I took my OPK (I know, I know, but I couldn't help doing it), I was a dark positive. On Thursday morning, my temp spiked and I continued to have strong ovulation pains. Today, my temp went up even higher and I have major ovulation cramping and pain.

Bottom line, I ovulated Wednesday. CD14.

DH and I ML on Tuesday night, Wednesday night and Thursday morning so I think we are covered pretty good. But we all know that story. The good news is, this is the strongest ovulation pain I've had in months and months. I hate to say it (or to even think it!) but the cycle that we conceived Keegan, I felt exactly like this. I remember thinking how uncomfortable it was to ML to DH because my ovaries were so sore and that timing just had to be perfect. I feel the same way now. I don't have my hopes up or truly think we have a great shot at conceiving on our own BUT at least I know despite this diasterous cycle, we did our best to try on our own.

Next cycle (if there is one), we are going to do the whole sha-bang. Well, big for me thus far. Monitoring, clomid, trigger. I will go into that stupid clinic on CD1 and demand a plan set in stone. Also, I will be complaining about how this cycle was handled and tell them that I do not think I should have to pay for that ultrasound. That whole day was a waste of time and money due to WRONG advice. Does that seem fair?

Now, I take a deep breath and wait.

Did I say frustrated? What I should have said is...

PISSSED OFF. That nurse I had yesterday? Apparently didn't know jack shit. After reading a comment from jo, I called my clinic and talked to a different nurse who informed me that she had no idea what the nurse yesterday was talking about and yes, they do trigger on natural cycles as long as there is some ultrasound monitoring done. Um hello - wasn't that what I was doing there yesterday??? When I told her I was in there yesterday for an ultrasound to monitor, she was all, "Oooohh, hmmmmm..." and told me that she'd talk to the doctor and call me back. Of course. It's always a call back.

Also, I asked her if the doctor had reviewed my charts yet she told me, no, that sometimes it takes him a day or two to get to stuff like that. I informed her that in a day or two I will have ovulated so then what good does it for him to look at them to let me know his best "guestimate" of when I am going to ovulate. I don't need to know his opinion in a day or two - I need to know today. And to top it off, I don't think he needs to look at my damn charts anyway - I always ovulate between day 13 and 15. Today is 14. What I need is a trigger and then an IUI. Preferably in the next day. What good is looking at my charts?

God, I am sick of this shit. What good is having a doctor if he is not available or a nurse if she doesn't know what the fuck she is talking about??? I might as well be throwing money out the window.

What if that stupid nurse gave me bad info about folicles too? What is a good size to have in order to trigger? Anyone know?

So frustrated!

Where do I start? My ultrasound appointment did not go as planned. My folicle is a 14, they want at least an 18 to trigger. Obviously those damn pee sticks do NOT work for me - as I suspected. I had a positive on CD11 and on CD12 I am still at least two days from ovulating. This just proves that last month was a total waste of money and our IUI was three days off.

In addition to this little tid-bit of info, I was told that I could not have a trigger shot on a natural cycle, even though I was told twice by two different nurses that I could. The nurse I saw yesterday said that I could only do the trigger shot if I was doing a medicated (clomid) cycle. So, I have no choice but to wait for natural ovulation. I am so pissed off about this because this was NEVER communicated to me and, in fact, the opposite was communicated to me. I was told that I could do monitoring and a trigger shot regardless but it was completely up to me if I wanted to add clomid into the mix. If I would have known that this was the scenario, I would have definitely added clomid because I am so concerned about the timing of the IUI - obviously, I have a reason to be worried.

I hate those stupid OPKs!!!! Why do I get positive so far in advance of ovulation?

This morning I had to fax in my BBT charts so that the doctor could review and determine the best timing of IUI this cycle. They "think" Wednesday (CD14) but are not sure. I am pretty sure I'll ovulate by CD15, or probably on CD15 so I am thinking Wednesday is probably the best day as well. But who knows??

I could do another ultrasound or two but truly, I do not want to keep throwing $200 out the window. I'd rather just hope for the best and save my money for next cycle when I'll have to do more ultrasound monitoring with the fertility drugs. It would be so different if we had insurance coverage but since we don't, I have to be smart about money. Every $200 adds up and pretty soon we are talking about thousands of dollars put against a half-ass attempt. I'd rather save the money for next cycle when there is a definite plan in place.

Therefore, I'm thinking we do the IUI tomorrow, CD14, and keep our fingers crossed that we having the timing set. With a folicle size of 14, I should be about an 18 by then? I don't know much about that stuff (yet) but that's what the nurse seems to think.

The doctor (or nurse) is supposed to be calling once my charts are "reviewed" and then hopefully I'll have a game plan - whether it is tomorrow or not. I'm tempted just to say fuck it this cycle and start over with next. Is it worth a half-ass attempt at $600? That could be $600 put towards next month. Ugh. I just don't know.