I actually have to look at my calendar and look to see what day I am on. It's CD12. A month ago on CD12 I was so excited and hopeful. Now...I just am. As far as TTC, I am still very sad but I try not to think about it too much because I immediately become upset and exhausted. I've been pushing it far, far away and while I wouldnt' say I am "peaceful" with infertility (I'm still too angry), I must admit I'm pretty relaxed. I'm just trying to live in the moment and take a huge mental break from the bullshit.
I did take Clomid on days 5-9, so I guess we are not completely natural. I'm starting to feel minor cramps/twinges in that general area so I am guessing that it is doing its thing. DH and I will definitely be having sex over the next few days (and beyond, obviously) but only because we love and enjoy each other, not for the sole purpose of baby making. I am not stressing about timing and if we don't do it on a certain night than oh well. It is what it is.
It is so nice to not have to worry about appointments or the timing of anything. I'm not happy about any of this or the infertility hand we were dealt but I am grateful for my family and all the blessings that I do have.
Living in the moment...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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