Sorry about that but a break from the IF battle was much needed. I don't even know what CD I am on - I just know that I am somewhere in the 2ww and that is fine. Whatever.
I believe we are still on track to do an IUI next cycle but we really haven't spoken of it. I've also started thinking what it would be like if we really, truly do not come out of this battle on the positive end. That doesn't mean I have given up - yet - but I have just been trying to see the other flip of the coin. I mean, of course, we all think that eventually this thing will work out in our favor. How could it not, right? That all this pain and suffering is bound to pay off. It certainly did for me last time.
What what if it doesn't? What then?
Well, then I'll be left being the mother to one gorgeous, amazing boy. It is not the dream I had in my head but I would still be so very thankful for the opportunity to be his momma. And because it is not my dream, I would need to truly dig deep and overcome all those dark and awful feelings of unfairness. So, I guess you could say that I've been experimenting with that a bit. Just to "see" what it might be like for me. The only conclusion that I've come up with this far is that it would be HARD.
But like I said, I haven't given up hope yet. We'll see what this next IUI brings.
In other news, I felt my sister's baby move last night. It was wonderful and selfishly awful at the same time. To feel like move inside someone is just so amazing and exciting. To know that I may never feel that inside me again is devestating. I will say that it didn't deter me from keeping my hand on her belly for about a half hour waiting for that next tap! LOL.
Things have been slowly getting better at work and I just received a well deserved raise this week. I have a great new boss who totally goes to bat for me and I couldn't be more grateful to her. It is so nice to know that someone has your back in a professional environment. People like that are few and far between, ya know?
Yoga has been going pretty well and I've learned that I am just about the most unflexible person in the world. Yikes! I suck! Plus, my instructor focuses on me non-stop because I am the youngest person in the class and she seems to think that since I am the young age of 31 that I am as flexible as a 16 year old or something. Seriously, she keeps saying things like, "Oh, you're young - you can bend more than that!' while pushing down on my back to the point that I want to yelp. Jeez. 31 may be young, but it is not that young!
I guess that is about all I have going right now. I am so glad it is Friday! I am looking forward to a weekend with my boy and whipping our house back into shape. It's been such a busy week that I have completely neglected every aspect of housework.
I am loving this beautiful fall weather!! The change of seasons reminds me of why I love living here. That crisp, clean air and the autumn smell in the air does a body good!
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Great post. I really like how positive you sound. I think you are right not to give up, AND I think you are right to start thinking about what life would be like if you had only your one beautiful boy. I believe you will get pregnant and have another eventually--let's be honest, you are young and have a lot of time to try, even if it takes many years--but I think it can be very calming to sort of imagine the "worst" and realize it might not be so bad. Even if it will make you very sad. You just never know what life is going to bring.
I'm totally not flexible either! And I'm 28...or a week away from being 29. Only difference is, I think everyone else in my class is younger than me. But anyway, I must try to make myself go to yoga this weekend because that's the only way to get more flexible and hopefully more relaxed.
Thanks for updating. I'm glad you took that little break. Keep us posted.
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