Don't Stop Believing

I was driving to my appointment last week and I was feeling pretty down. DH and I were having a little argument (nothing big, just mundane crap) and I was feeling a little unsure about starting another cycle. I was nervous about hoping again, scared of putting my trust back into another doctor and I was expecting to be very disappointed after this appointment I was about to go to. I pulled into the clinic's parking lot, parked and was just about to turn my vehicle off when a song started on the radio.

Don't Stop Believing.

Coincidence? Maybe. But I'd like to think of it as a sign. I believe in those, I really do. Looking back at every important or life-changing event that has happened in my life, there was a sign. Sometimes subtle, sometimes not but I can think of something at every occurrence. It's weird, it's like a mental turning point. I am hoping that hearing that song - at that specific time, a time when I was seriously considering giving up - is the sign. The turning point. We will see. Why am I so optimistic you ask? Well, the appointment went great.

I listened to that entire song before going in and when I finally started walking towards the clinic doors, I sincerely felt hope. For the first time in a long time.

I had gotten a message earlier in the day from my doctor. She said that she was going to change my appointment and schedule me with her colleague, Dr. A. She said Dr. A not only specialized in fertility in her residency but also had gone through it herself. She personally had gone through IUI and had twins as a result. My doctor said that she would be there for me every step of the way but that Dr. A would in charge of my treatment cycle. At first I was a bit put off by this because I LOVE my doctor and thought she would be the person to treat me but as I was walking to the clinic doors I decided to trust her and her recommendation of Dr. A.

Dr. A impressed me within minutes. She answered all my questions easily and sincerely. She told me that she would be handling every. single. aspect. of my treatment cycle. She would be doing all ultrasounds, monitoring, washing of the semen, IUI, EVERYTHING. Her - by herself - would be treating me. That means I have one-on-one treatment with a doctor that has a very vested interest in me as a patient. Because did I mention - I am her first IUI patient.

I had my baseline u/s on Friday and everything looked great. I had asked her about progesterone supplements at my initial appointment and she brought print outs of research and studies that she'd been reading up on. I was impressed! She validated everything I had been saying about progesterone. I do not need it. I have great hormone levels, I had a healthy, successful pregnancy already and most importantly, I ovulate on my own already. I am on the lowest does of Clomid and it is not effecting my hormone levels. She said that there is no benefit and that it is just an added expense for me. Wow - someone who looks at me as an individual and not just another generalized protocol patient.

Dr. A also told me that she'd like me to take the Clomid on CD3-7 vs. CD5-9. Again - validation! This is something that I have asked about SO many times before. Everything I've read has said that if you ovulate on your own, you should be taking Clomid on CD3-7. This way you start Clomid before your body starts doing what it normally would. It's like pre-programming. At the IF clinic, they just said that my Dr. does CD5-9 on every patient.

Oh- and I did ask her about injectables vs. Clomid and she agreed with many of you. There would be no benefit for me from injectables. I ovulate on my own and respond well to Clomid. She said that unless I am looking to have a "litter" that she does NOT recommend that route. The unfortunate news is that she says we have two options: IUI w/Clomid or IVF with ICSI. There is no medium ground for us that isn't a waste of time and money. This is not news to me, I've always known that IVF is probably our best shot. But we aren't going there so it is a few more tries of IUI for us.

Today is CD7 so this will be my last Clomid day and then I go in on Friday, CD10 for an u/s. She said that she likes to do an earlier u/s than just the standard CD12 u/s so that is good too. I will know on Friday how things are developing and get a better idea of when I will trigger.

It just feels good to be treated by a doctor who truly looks at me as an individual case. It is very refreshing. Also, it is a 8-10 minute drive from my house which is soooooo convenient! I don't have to worry about any scheduling conflicts with home or work.

Will this doctor make all the difference? Who knows. At least I don't feel invisible anymore. At least when I ask questions about ME and MY CYCLE, I get answers that are well thought out and even researched on my behalf. Because I deserve that. After all this time, I deserve a doctor who cares.

I have officially been TTC for 47 months total, 29 months this time around. Wow. Time sure flies when you are having fun, huh?