Last night, I invited my sister and new baby over as well as my pregnant best friend and her two daughters over. Whoa. I think that is a big step...purposely surrounding myself with the newborn and the baby belly. And really? I did just fine. I can't help but LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that little baby. She smells so darn good, I swear I could just eat her up. What is that baby smell anyway??
As for my best friend...I realized two things. One, I have been avoiding her. Two, the pregnancy part is harder for me that the baby part.
With my sister, all my awkward, sad, mad, jealous and confused feelings disappeared with the birth of my niece. Except, when I look at my best friend (who is already showing! At 11 wks!), they have obviously moved from my sister to her. I feel awkward and a bit short with her. When she complains about feeling sick, I get mad. When I look at her little belly bump, I get sad. When we talk about whether it will be a boy or a girl, I get jealous. Last night, I was just wishing it was September already! (Which is when she is due)
Isn't it weird that the pregnancy part bothers me more than the baby part? Especially, since pregnancy brings so many unpleasant side effects and newborns? Hmmm, we'll I guess there is a downside to that too. It look a year after Keegan was born before I slept through the night. God, that kid loved to wake up for the day at 4 or 5 in the morning for the longest time! I hated that!
Anyway, it was a nice night. I was happy to hang out with both of them - they are my two best friends after all. But it was nice when they left too. DH was working late so once they left, I gave Keegan a bath and then he and I snuggled up on the couch to watch TV. He fell asleep about 15 minutes into Grey's so then I just held him close (that never happens!) and watched the whole (2 hours!!) of the Grey's/PP combo completely uninterrupted. It was GREAT. Plus, I just kept staring down at my sleeping "baby" thanking God that he was in my life.
No matter what happens, I am SO lucky to have been blessed with Keegan.
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4 comments:
I read somewhere that babies actually give off a pheromone that reacts with a woman's chemical make-up and causes the woman to want to love and care for the baby. It's a species-saving thing, and that's why you always see women drawn to babies--"Can I hold the baby?" "Oh, what a cute baby!"--when men sometimes don't even realize there is a baby in the room.
Anyway, random trivia for the day! =)
Kudos to you-way to be strong and face those difficult emotions! Maybe scientists could make a perfume with that baby pheromone in it, so the infertiles of the world wouldn't mind being around the pgs so long as they wore the perfume! =)
Hey you. Thank you for your comment. Yeah, it seems you are going through pretty much exactly the same thing. Sigh. I wish I had something good to say, but right now I don't. Just that I so, so, SO know how you feel. You were right about being honest--I just got through telling my pregnant friend that I feel alone again now that she's pregnant. But I feel less alone knowing you're out there, knowing how I feel right now.
Hang in there. And thank you. You are wonderful.
I just got caught up on your last few entries.
I'm glad that you're back in the blogosphere, but sorry that The Secret didn't turn out to be trick for you.
i feel the exact same way...i was so jealous and sad when my brother's wife was pregnant, but once my nephew was born those feelings just vanished. now i'm feeling the same way toward my husband's sister, who is pregnant. i just want to experience that myself...
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