Okay, remember that peaceful, relaxed and much needed mental break from all the bullshit I was working on?? Well, an "interesting" situation has developed.
My younger sister is pregnant.
She's 25.
She's not married.
She's not happy about it.
I cannot make this shit up. And before I get into it I must be upfront by saying that I LOVE my sister. I have four sisters and they are all near and dear to me but this one? This newly pregnant one? She is my best friend and such a wonderful sister. But. BUT! She is not me. I am the one that is supposed to get pregnant because I am the one who has been trying for 20 months. She has been on the pill for almost 10 years, wasn't sure she wanted kids period and somehow managed to become knocked up "accidentally". I swear, God is up there laughing at me.
I am so full of mixed emotions right now. On one hand, I am happy because hello? A new baby? What could be more wonderful. And if I can't have a baby then I guess she would be the next best thing. Well, sort of. I mean, the girl is SO not ready to have a baby. But she'll be fine. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for 10 years or something - high school sweethearts. But they are not married or even engaged (although that may change in the very near future). They just bought a house and so while they do have a nice place to bring the baby home to, they also have a pretty tight budget because of the new house and getting used to mortgage payments and all that "grown up" stuff.
When she called me last night I drove right over. She thought the test looked "sort of" positive. When I looked at it I almost started crying. It was SO completely positive. I even brought another test with me and had her take it and it showed two dark lines immediately. She was crying and I hugged her and told her it will be okay. It will be okay. It will be okay. I just keep repeating this to myself.
She's five weeks and 2 days. She's due January 27. If our IUI would have worked, I would be due January 25. Seriously, do you hear God laughing at me? Because I am pretty sure I do.
If you are out there and are reading this? I could really, really use some sort of cyber hug. Or a comment. Or something. Just let me know that you are reading and I am not alone because I am sort of feeling that way right now. That I'm stuck on this awful infertile amusement park ride where nobody cares and I cannot get off.
To that point, I sort of feel like I may throw up.
6 comments:
oh honey I am so sorry you are hurting and that this news is not what you are needing right now. Especially since she is not happy about it. i think that makes it sting worse because you want it so badly and she doesnt and now is.
The only thing I can tell you is that it will get better and it will sting less with time. Also you ARE going to get preggers and they will be close in age. This happened to me twice with my SIL and shortly after I got preggers and now the cousins are close in age and close to each other. There is a plan...keep believing that.
I have everything crossed for you that soon...very soon you get your BFP and this new addition to your family will have a new little cousin to play with.
HUGE HUG
Kris
Oh hon, I am definitely not laughing- I can only imagine how this must be for you, no matter how much you love your sister. Sending HUGE hugs...Leslie
We tried for about three and a half years before finally conceiving my daughter through IVF. During that time, I was teaching middle school, and I cannot tell you how hard it was to see three or four 8th graders walking around with big pregnant bellies. Of course, I couldn't be mad at them for having something I didn't have, but it still wasn't easy to stomach. I also had a 19 yr. old cousin, unmarried, that got pregnant last year unexpectedly...no job, no education, not even really seriously dating the guy that got her pregnant. Ugg. At least at that point I already had my daughter, but I was really wanting to get pregnant again, and there she was pregnant so easily.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, as I know it's hard. This may not help you, but it always helped me to remind myself that their situation has nothing to do with me, and it most definitely wasn't done to hurt me. I'm sure your sister has already thought of how this might make you feel.
Oh honey, I am soooo sorry to hear this. I know it has to be the worst situation for you because of course you want to be there for your sister as she goes through this unexpected pregnancy, but it's not going to be easy since this is what you want for yourself. I know it will be hard to handle...I just pray you are pregnant yourself soon so you can go through a pregnancy with your sister and you can have babies close in age. But if that doesn't happen, I pray that you can be at peace with this. I cannot imagine how conflicted you must feel right now. I just wish this didn't have to happen to you. Just know I am hear if you need to vent. You can PM me at TLOL and I'll send you my email.
BIG HUGS!!!
-Leighann
I'm sending big cyber-hugs your way. This is going to be hard no matter how happy it is. Just remember to keep breathing. You'll be able to handle it.
Lots of hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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