I am so crampy. I'm not sure what is going on. I felt ovulation pains on Saturday and Sunday and that makes sense but yesterday and today I've felt super crampy as well. Very strange. I wonder if my ovaries are just complaining. I did ovulate one follicle on each side. Oh well, it is always something and I get so sick of over analyzing every little detail.
I need to get into some sort of work out routine. I am not feeling happy with my body at all lately and really need to bite the bullet and do something about it. Problem is, I am always worried about how it'll effect my cycle. I was told not to get my heart rate up for an extended time after an IUI because that can hurt implantation. Who knows if that is actually true or not but I always think, why take the risk?
I decided that if I get my period then that is it. No more excuses - I will start running again. Regardless if we decide to do another IUI or not. Hell, I was running 3-5 times a week when I conceived Keegan.
It's not like I am overweight. I am 12-15 pounds heavier than when I conceived Keegan - five years ago. I should probably lose about 10 pounds to make myself feel better about my body and then basically just tone. I feel like I have no definition anymore and I hate it. I used to love my stomach and never thought twice about showing it off in a swimsuit. Now? I hate it and cover it as much as I can. And my butt? Well, it is just not good. Everything fits much tighter than it used to in that area. Ugh. Depression, treatments, fertility drugs and lack of exercise is just not a good combo.
Exercise, and especially running for me, is such awesome stress relief and I really think I could use that right now. I don't feel like, "Oh my God, I am so stressed out!!" but I can feel that my plate is so full right now. I feel like there is just not enough time in my day anymore and this makes exercising even more difficult because when? When do I take the time for it? Maybe if I didn't work 55 hours a week or didn't care if I put my son to sleep every night. But I do.
So, there is my vent for the day. Not sure where that came from?
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My theory is infertiles tend to obsess about exercise (not in a bad way...really, most I know - including myself - are completely healthy about it and not truly over-obsessive). It's a control thing, I think. I mean, we can't control the one thing we want most in life, but we can control feeling better about our bodies in this way (since it doesn't work right in other ways...). Anyway, I was very good about exercising from October through March. Then I went through a spell where I was sick a lot. And then I started back to the RE...and it all went to hell. It sucks, but truly I feel like I can't focus on it like I was before. I stress too much about it in combination with TTC. I got pregnant with Jacob while on a work out hiatus...and even though I know I could keep up a good workout schedule and still get pregnant (heck, you're proof of that!) I still find every excuse to avoid it for now.
I will cheer you on if you get back into running again in a few weeks, but if you don't, just know you're in good company.
-Leighann
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