Today I am on CD28. I am bloated, crampy and my boobs are sore. The last few days, I've been PMSing big time. Hmmm...I wonder what is on the horizon?
I find it so amazing that each month (cycle) I have textbook cycles, with an average (and almost always) ovulation day of CD14 and 28 day cycles. I ovulate completely on my own and even two great sized eggs while on Clomid. I have great rise and fall of my temps each month (although I haven't temped in a few months). I am TEXTBOOK yet we cannot conceive.
Is it morphology? Meaning, is that truly our only problem? It seems so crazy that something as "minor" as that is keeping us from conceiving. The last time DH was tested his morphology was poor but not god awful. I think it was around 4%? I'd have to go back and look. His count and forward progression has always been considered good. It's just such a hard pill to swallow. I hear all these stories about women who don't ovulate or don't ovulate regularly and it just seems that with my cycles, we would not have so much damn trouble!! It's almost been two years!! I just get so angry.
I sometimes wonder if it could be an egg quality issue? Who knows. It may very well be morph alone and we just have shitty luck. Does it matter? The end result is the same. No baby.
So, tomorrow will most definitely be CD1 and will mark the end of yet another cycle - another "perfect" cycle, which also had the help of Clomid and where I probably produced more than one egg. WTH? I have a refill for another Clomid prescription in my purse and I'm seriously debating if I should use it next cycle or not? Does anyone know how many cycles in a row one can be on Clomid? Does it matter? Maybe I should take a month off and then try again in August? I can't decide.
Also, I'm debating about asking DH to do another (and possibly final) IUI attempt in September. In my heart of hearts I'd like to give it one more shot. I know it is our best option for a positive result and before we completely throw in the towel on medical intervention I would like to try one last time. I just don't know what his reaction will be. We've had a few comments fly back and forth over the last few weeks - him saying things such as he has accepted the idea that we'll only have Keegan or that he hates IUI and that it was worthless. I've said things along the line that I adamantly want one more baby and I'm not done trying yet. So, these comments have been going back and forth a bit but we've never truly talked about any of it. I think both of us sense another fight coming on with that topic.
I just don't think I can give up yet. I think if I gave in and we never had another child that I would be very unhappy and would never be fully happy...is that dramatic? I'm not trying to be, but that is how I feel right now.
I am the oldest of five girls, I'm 31 and they range in years from 19-26. They are all just starting that phase of their lives - marriage, babies, etc. Selfishly, that means multiple sister pregnancies in my future. That scares the shit out of me. I cannot imagine feeling the loss of never having another baby and then watching my sisters produce over and over again (possibly). Oh my god, it makes my heart start racing just thinking about it. Again - dramatic? Maybe but those are my thoughts and feelings right now.
Again, anyone have thoughts on Clomid and how many months in a row one should take it? Are there any side effects that I should know of for multiple months on it? I would be starting month three of Clomid.
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5 comments:
I have a book that says Clomid shouldn't be used more than 12 months in a row due to a concern over an increased risk for ovarian cancer. But I thought I had heard no more than six cycles in a row, so either way you'd be fine to go for it again...if you're feeling up to it.
I am sorry for your continued frustrations. I know nothing I say will lessen the pain or change your DH's mind if he is going to be against another IUI.
I am feeling more at peace with not pursuing infertility treatment right now, but I know this isn't going to be a feeling that lasts more than a few months. So I am sure I don't have the cure for getting over it permanently. Wish I did. I'd share that secret with you if I knew it...
I truly hope you won't have to feel the pain as your sisters continually get pregnant and have babies. That sounds like an awfully hard way to live, and I want nothing but good things for you.
I am here for you...always.
Leighann
Standard treatment for both my ob's was 4-6 months of Clomid so you should be ok there. I think of you so often and want so badly for you to get that second child for your family- wish there was something I could do or say that would help. Hugs, Leslie
I don't know anything about Clomid, so I can't help you there. I just want to say I'm here with you and for you. I know how painful what you're going through is. I know how hard all the pregnancies of your sisters is/will be. I also know that if any of them has to go through any of this, you will be such great support for her or them.
This sucks. It just does. It's not fair, it's not right. And I'm sorry.
hey- really quickly. I may have told you this befor ebut it is worth repeating if so. My Dh has horrible morphology and motility was average and count was good. I think his morphology was 1% eeekkkk. We used the IUI (back to back in one cycle) and got preggers with my son after 2 mopnths trying. after that my Dh started taking Saw Palmetto and L carnetine suppliments. After about 3 months we had our IUI and the Dr said that his count was great, his motility was excellent (I thikn like 70% before the wash and 95% after) and his morphology increased from 1% to 5% (in my lab 1-4 is poor, 5-9 is average, and i forget after that because no way was DH ever going to get above a 9, but my point is....Dh morphology increased drastically) HAs your DH taken and fertility suppliments? It does take 3 months to have ay effect but might be worth a shot.
Hi! I'm kind of the new kid on the block as far as blogs go but an old timer when it comes to infertility. Hope you don't mind my jumping in here. I did Clomid for quite a few months in a row and then another drug called Femara. I was on fertility drugs for over a year. The Femara worked better for me but it sounds like the Clomid is working pretty good for you. I would just say be careful because I ended up getting some pretty mean ovarian cysts from all the drugs but that might have just been me. The fertility drugs worked okay for me for ovulation, but still no baby. My husband has very slight morph problems but not a major issue. I've often wondered if the girls (my ovaries) just aren't sending the prettiest eggs to the ball. Who knows? I'm doing IVF now, so hopefully that will work. Anyway, good luck to you. Visit me anytime at infertilemyrtlesblog.blogspot.com!
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