Still kicking - and still not pregnant.

I have been away from my computer so long that I almost forgot how to type. Seriously, I don't even know where to start with an update.

We just got back from Vegas and the wedding of my (beautiful but pregnant) sister. It was so much fun! There were 17 of us that went and everything turned out perfectly. We spent our days in the pool, soaking up the desert sun and staying cool. There were many poolside cocktails and appetizers involved. In the evenings, we headed out to yummy restaurants where we filled our bellies with amazing food and more cocktails.

I gambled a bit but I must emphasize the "bit" part of that sentence. I think I ended up losing about $20. Oh the horror! LOL. Yep, I not a bib gambler although I did become slightly obsessed with the penny El*vis slots, which is where I lost my $20. Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE El*vis? The cute, 50's version - not the bloated 70's version. My sisters tease me about it all the time.

The wedding was quick but beautiful. They were married in an outdoor gazebo chapel and it was actually very quaint and really pretty. The ceremony was about 15 minutes start to finish. There was a lot of picture taking afterwards and then we head to a wonderful steakhouse to eat and celebrate. We took a big white limo there and then it brought us to the restaurant afterwards. It was a really fun night and I think my sister was very happy with how it all turned out.

So, we got back late last week, tanned and tired! I am still not caught up on my sleep. It is a two hour time difference for us and when you add that to the general lack of sleep that we got in Vegas, it take a lot out of a person!

My period showed up on the day of the wedding. I was NOT happy and I think DH was even more unhappy about it then me. If that is even possible. I had terrible cramps all morning and just started to get angry all over again about the whole ordeal. I did my best to push it all aside while I relaxed (and drank) at the pool. And of course, I did my best to completely ignore it at the wedding but once I was settled into bed at the end of the night I couldn't escape my thoughts about how unfair it is that anyone should have to go through infertility. It is so disheartening and upsetting and just plain awful. As I was laying there in bed, I just kept thinking that DH and I should be (quietly) celebrating our pregnancy - not be half drunk, crampy and angry (at IF, not each other). It just SUCKS.

DH and I did have a talk in the pool the next afternoon about going ahead with another IUI. I don't think either of us are very happy about it but know that it is our best chance to get pregnant. Like I said in an earlier post, I am just so nervous about the (fairly good) possibility that it won't work. Another disappointment is just depressing. As long as we have another IUI looming in the future, there is hope but once it is gone, it is gone. Does that make sense?

One of the worst aspects of infertility is that there is never a guarantee. It would be different if we had to go through all of this knowing that someday it WOULD work. That is was more just a matter of time. But nope, no guarantee at all. DH briefly mentioned the IVF procedure and then said, "Oh yea, that is the one that costs $15,000, huh?" to which I just replied yes. But it got me thinking...I could probably ask my mom to borrow us the money...we could slowly pay her back...it may not be so bad...we'd have an even better chance of getting pregnant. But then SLAP - reality hit me in the face.. That is a lot of money and stress, physically and emotionally, with a very good chance that no baby would come of it.

Yeah, I think we'll stick with another IUI for now. I don't know when. Maybe September? DH and I will have to talk a bit more. For now, I'm unpacking, adjusting to work again and I have the largest pile of laundry that you've ever seen. Ugh. Reality is back in full force.