My extremely fertile best friend (delicately) announced to me that she would be getting her IUD out in September and they would begin "trying" for their third and final baby at that time. Trying is a pretty funny word considering she got pregnant both previous times, the FIRST time and without even "trying".
So, yeah. My best friend is going to be pregnant in September. My other best friend/sister is already pregnant (by "accident" I might add). So where does that leave me in just a few weeks? It scares the hell out of me to think of the possibilities.
As it looks right now, I'll be doing an IUI on or around August 24. A week later, give or take, my BF will be knocked up. Now, despite her fertile self, my BF has been wonderful through all my infertility woes. BUT our fertile and non-fertile selves have never really gone head to head - ya know what I mean? I've never feel any type of resentment towards her. I'm just scared that if our IUI fails and she ends up pregnant that I'll feel angry or weird towards her. Even though I know it isn't rational and that she is my BEST friend, the possibility of it still scares me.
Just like it does with my sister. It is easy to ignore the fact that she is pregnant right now because she is only 13 (almost 14) weeks along and isn't showing AT ALL. I can pretend that there isn't a wonderful, perfect baby growing inside her. For now. Our relationship can go on as it has, but as the days tick by, I wonder if that will change. I hope it doesn't but I can't promise that my jealousy won't take over. God, that sounds horrible, doesn't it??
I know I would never outwardly or rather, purposely treat either of them differently but as we all know, holding feelings in sometimes manifest themselves.
I'm really not trying to be negative - because maybe I will end up pregnant and I'll get to experience it with my sister and best friend. That could happen and it would be wonderful. But I am trying to prepare myself for the more realistic scenario. And it truly scares me.
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I know exactly what you mean. I am anticipating something similar with my sister-in-law, who I believe is going to start trying for their second any moment now. It's not quite the same because I don't claim to be best friends with my sister-in-law, but I don't want to have to worry about not being able to be excited for my brother and both of them and all that, but I'm scared. I'm really scared this is going to be really, really hard.
All I can say is, that's why we're here, you know? I mean, remember you can always find people who are going through what you're going through right here. It's not the same as your best friend, I know, but I trust that though you will feel jealous of her, you will be able to continue to be a good friend to her, and you can come on here and bitch about it as much as you want. The fact that you are writing about this shows that much is true.
And, like you said, maybe you'll get to be pregnant together. Who knows?
Re: your previous post, I too do not write about anything but infertility on my blog, and I like to think there's a bit more to me than that. It's just that, well, that's why I started the blog, and in some ways I don't feel like I could convey enough of the rest of me on the blog to even want to bring it up. But needless to say, YOU are not boring (and yes, I worry about being boring myself all the time), and those of us out here who read your blog read it because we like what you write about.
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