I have absolutely nothing to report. Temp was down .1 this morning so again, it could go either way. I could have temped just as my temp was officially heading south - or - it could just be down .1. My guess, it is on the downhill slide.
I haven't had any cramping or headaches yet which usually indicate that my period is on the horizon BUT yesterday I was sooooo crabby. I'm sure it was PMS. I went for a walk after work and it was like I was on a mission. I was walking as hard and as fast as I could and venting to myself (in my head) the whole time.
I feel like I am always in waiting - both with TTC/infertility and at work. I have been fighting for a promotion for over five months now and every time it is within site, it gets pushed down. And TTC, well, we all know how that is going. Five months ago, I would think that I only deserved one or the other - the baby or the promo. It was like I was scared to hope or pray for too much. So, I always defaulted to the baby. I want a baby more than anything, including a promotion but I still really, really want the promotion (and the money that goes along with it) Now, I think to myself - why don't I deserve both?? Why can't I have both? And if I can't have both then don't I deserve at least one of these good things?? So, that is basically the conversation/vent I was having in my head.
Just once, I wish something good and much deserved one or both of these situations would happen to me. I am so lucky to have DH and Keegan. Keegan is a the best thing in my life and DH has changed so much lately and really has been unbelievably supportive. It's like he did a 360 after our fight and is saying and doing all the right things now. I couldn't ask for more when it comes to him. So, I know I have so many blessings. But when it comes to these two things - work and infertility - I just feel it is time that I deserve a break!! It would be so nice to say, "Well, I'm not pregnant but at least I got a promotion and am making a bunch of money!" or "Hey! So what if I didn't get the promo because I'm going to have a baby!!"
Is that too much to ask? I guess so.
Today is CD28. Like I said, if I'm not pregnant and my period has to show up, I just hope it shows on time. That would be tomorrow.
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2 comments:
I hope you get it all.
Not having cramps and a headache like usual seems like a good sign, though, no...?
Hey, we haven't forgotten about you, you know. What's the latest? Good or bad, we are here for you.
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