I'm officially penniless!

After $10,372 paid to the clinic and $786 paid to the pharmacy, I think we are good to go. As much as the money makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit, I do feel some sense of relief that the payment portion is over and done with and there is nowhere to go but forward. It sucks - big time - that infertility is not a "valid" medical condition and that while DH and I both have good health insurance, not a dime goes towards any of this. Frustrating! I'm going to try and put it out of my head and concentrate on the important part - which is getting pregnant.

I should receive my stash of drugs in the mail by noon tomorrow and then I will begin the Lupron injections on Sunday. Let the good times roll! I am just praying and praying that everything goes off without a hitch and we are successful.

I did not decide yet about the embryos and freezing. Although I did have to provide a credit card number today, we do not have to decide which route we are going to take until the day of transfer. At that time if we have left over embryos and decide to freeze, they will charge us the $825.

I am just so up in the air on this one. I asked the nurse if down the road we could do a 100% natural FET and she said, "Of course you can but the success rates are not that great." Well, whatever. By going this route, I would not be holding my breath that something like that would end in success anyway. It would be more of a moral way to dispose of the "leftovers". Or is that a weird way to think? I'm so confused. Part of me just wants to say screw it and forget it but jeez, we've been trying for over three years to get pregnant this time around - over five years total - and to just "throw away" embryos seems wrong on so many levels. At the same time, after this IVF cycle, I need to be done. I cannot put myself through this rollercoaster any longer.

Enough of that rant - we have some time to decide. And who even knows if there will be any embryos to freeze anyway. Right now I should just be hoping that we have enough embryos for this cycle! Please, please think positive thoughts for us!!