Let's try this again

Today is CD1 and I'm not even going to get into why that sucks. I am focusing on the fact that come hell or high water, we are doing an IUI in less that two weeks. We are finally going to take a positive step towards getting pregnant and that is such a good feeling. I am going to make sure to start POAS on CD9 this cycle so there is no way in hell that I'll miss ovulation or our chance to move forward with IUI. Also, we have totally cleared that window of time schedule-wise and I may even take some days off around that time for the hell of it. I figure the less stress, the better. While we are doing a natural IUI, I am pulling out all the stops (that I personally can) to make sure that it is successful. If, at the end of the cycle, we do not have success - well, then, I'll be talking my my RE about ultrasound monitoring and fertility drugs. This madness has to end.

I spend Saturday night with my high school girlfriends, their husbands and kids. All of them (except me) have two kids. Two of them are pregnant with their third. Both of the pregnant ones started trying well after we did. You can just imagine the conversations that I had to endure. The complaining about how often they have to pee and blah, blah, blah. At one point, the conversation turned to how many more kids everyone wanted and/or planned on having. I think they all have a pretty good idea that DH and I have "issues" in that department although I have never talked to any of them about it. But I know they know something is up because nobody asks us directly or looks in our direction while the conversation is taking place. Sometimes, I deal well with those conversations, sometimes not. Saturday was a not. I felt like smashing something.

To add fuel to the fire, at one point Keegan came out from playing with all the other kids and loudly stated, "There are too many children in that room!!" I must admit it was cute because he look genuienly annoyed with the situation. But then someone (maybe it was me? I honestly don't know) said, "Wow, I guess you can tell which one is an only child." Everyone kind of laughed about it but I can honestly say that my laugh was fake. The whole episode kept replaying in my mind.

On the car ride home DH looked at me and said, "You can tell Keegan is an only child. He really needs a sibling." Apparently, the comment got to him as well. I tried to make light of his comment and said, "Hmmmm...I guess we should start trying then, huh?" and smiled at him.

I am always doing that. Trying to make it easier for him. I guess because it is technically his "issue"? Like maybe if I couldn't ovulate regularly then I wouldn't feel the need to soften everything for him, downplay everything or smile when I really feel like crying? Maybe then I would be able to say what I feel to those pregnant people who are talking at a party about how annoying it is to pee all the time. I could look them in the eye and say, "Be grateful!"